Modern times mount on social pressure to marry your partner. You know, you get talking to someone about your relationship and they often bring up something about hearing wedding bells or just ask, “So, you’ve been together for a while… are you going to get married soon?” And they give you this look like it’s a really personal, almost kinky kind of question. But why? Marriage isn’t something that is something that’s really personal — you do it in a crowd of people; and it makes no real impact on your relationship. So, really: what is it good for — absolutely nothin’.

The Wedding Hype Is Pointless:

First of all, one must ask themselves, what does a marriage give me. Is it more love? Is it the ability to have children? More time in the bedroom? Well, likely none of those, actually — most people who can’t have children usually aren’t miraculously ‘cured’ when they marry, most couples don’t care if they are married or not when it comes to sex, and if you need to preform a series of actions in order to feel more love in your relationship, then a romantic dinner is the way to go, not spending $30,000 (USD) on a wedding. So what does a wedding ultimately give one? A title. Congratulations, you are someone’s wife or husband. I must admit, though, it has a much better ring than “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” does. Not as nice as fiancee, though. Fiancee is extra nice because it’s unisex… but I have a feeling that you couldn’t get away with being fiancees your entire life. Also, some people may think better of your relationship if you’re married, so it could be a social status thing as well.

Secondly, one must ask themselves what a wedding is. Is it a presentation of your love before The Almighty, so that he might bless your union? Well, technically, yes, but these days, I think it’s mostly a glorified party with a religious twist, one which ends with signing some documents that say that you’re legally married and might be treated differently when it comes to the tax forms. However, a lot of weddings are literally there to be religious unions before God. On the other hand, I think that God mostly cares about the love that two people share, the love that unites them, and no so much the traditional ceremony that is used to advertise that fact. (But, like I’ve said before: I’m not God, and, as a mortal, I can’t ever be sure what God believes, feels, thinks, or even if God is capable of these things.)

Thirdly: yes a wedding is traditionally about the holy union, but let’s face the fact that these days, religion is not much of a factor in a lot of peoples’ lives. The world is becoming too diverse and communication is becoming too borderless and quick for most people to be dead-set in any belief system. For example, having children in an unmarried state no longer makes the child a social outcast, and the world ‘bastard’ has almost lost all of its traditional meaning. I have not met anyone that I know will think ill of a person because they were born outside of wedlock. As another proof, civil unions are rapidly becoming more popular as people are being outcast from their religions because of their sexual orientation (which they really can’t do anything about). Christianity in general doesn’t like homosexuals, and a lot of churches and governments do not allow them to marry. Because homosexuals often want to marry, but often can’t in a religious way, civil unions are the only path (if they are allowed in the country). By the way, homosexuals in North America make up roughly 2-5% of the population. Statistics vary, often in that range. The 10% statistic that has often been quoted has been found as flawed, however.

Also curious: in the western world, our wedding traditions are viewed as, “the only way.” Often in a church, with a priest, in a white dress and black suit, etc. This is ridiculous because the white dress thing only became a standard once a queen (Victoria) wore a white dress to symbolize her purity, and this has nothing to do with the religious side of things. Also, in more ancient times, there were a variety of traditions that had been done, including handfasting (which is still sometimes done today), and being married outside (often on hills). More so, in some parts of Asia, white is a colour of mourning, and in a lot of the eastern world, red is the colour for weddings.

Finally, we must remember that in modern times, marriage holds far less weight than it once did. Divorce is quite common today, with percentages as high as 40 - 50%. Therefore, as bad as it sounds, marriage often becomes just a complication when attempting to back out of a relationship. If people are wanting to break up in modern times, they are going to break up. Marriage just makes it more difficult, painful, and annoying for them to do so.

Love Is Pointed (As In Not Pointless):

First of all, one has to ask one’s self: am I happy with my partner and our current life arrangement? Will a marriage change anything for the better? If no, then why does one need to marry? (I suggest my article on avoiding the desire for advancement when you are already happy: In Joyous Loss.) If things are going well, then why attempt any kind of change or action?
Secondly, one should avoid being caught up in the planning, celebrating, and traditions attached to a wedding — it’s all “fluff,” after all. Traditions are generally pointless altogether. They are basically things that a person feels obligated to do without a really strong reason to benefit to themselves. Remember the important key: a wedding is about love, and more importantly, so is a serious relationship. A marriage gives you a title, but it is an empty one if you do not love the person that you are with.

So, don’t rush into getting married, be happy with your relationship as it is, and be loving and caring. If you want to “make it official” later, then do it, but remember that what really counts is the foundation, not the crystal angel on the top. It takes years to build a very successful relationship, but only a day to marry. And after all, what changes after a wedding?

Stub/Summary: “Wedding Witout Vows — weddings are pointless because of modern times and lack of religion or change after the fact. Love and caring are the truely important things in a relationship.”

This entry was posted on Monday, July 31st, 2006 at 3:44 am and is filed under Human Nature. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.